T(SA)hanksgiving?

Considering the general dreariness of November, it isn’t any surprise that a holiday devoted to giving thanks should be scheduled at the end of this month. Contemplating that delicious meal that awaits us on the last Thursday of November gives us something to do besides complain about the weather. Not that every November is gray and awful, just the most of them.

In the days before global warming, those of us who elected to take dinner at the home of a relative had a more pleasant way of getting there. “Over the River and Through the Woods” may not accurately reflect how we traveled in days gone by, but it does evoke a pleasant image of a sleigh ride to Grandma’s house.

Fast forward to the 21st Century, and we find that getting to Grandma’s isn’t so simple as it once was. Likely, Grandma and all of her compadres have high-tailed it to warmer climes. That trip to give a hurrah for all things Thanksgiving now requires more than a “horse (who) knows the way to carry the sleigh through the white and drifted snow”. It also requires more nerve than a bum tooth, thanks to the “security” measures now in place at the airports, before the modern equivalent of the horse and sleigh can be boarded.

This is all necessary, according to officials of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), whose purpose is to “ensure freedom of movement for people and commerce”. We will pause briefly to allow laughter to subside. Why, you ask, displaying your wide eyes and innocence? Well, some idiot tried to blow up his underwear on a flight sometime back, and now, to protect everyone, TSA agents logically assume that everyone has a bomb in their bloomers.

And how does one thwart someone with that sort of explosive package? It would seem that this is done by randomly pulling would-be passengers aside and giving them a choice in how they would like their close encounter of third kind to go-a gentle pat-down that a subway groper would be hard-pressed to duplicate, or a full-body scan guaranteed to reveal your true personality.

By the way, the airplanes’ crews were, at first, also required to undergo these “security measures”, but the pilots demurred, and, let’s face it, if the pilots ain’t on board, no one is going anywhere, so this one group goes ungroped.

But for the rest of us? Not so lucky. TSA Director John Pistole has declared his determination to keep the new procedures in place, while at the same time promising to keep the pat downs from becoming “too invasive”. That might be hard to prove to those passengers who have what can only be described as horror stories to tell after TSA agents cleared them to board. A breast cancer survivor had to remove her prosthesis for inspection, while a bladder cancer survivor was left covered in urine after the TSA agent broke the seal of his urostomy bag, even after he was told that this could happen by his victim.

What the TSA doesn’t realize is that 99.9% of passengers are not terrorists. Nor do they see that simply being sensitive to the needs of passengers undergoing these procedures would go a long way in keeping everyone safe while we travel.