Me and the hot habanero.

I’m not an unadventurous type; that is to say I don’t mind trying something new.  For some time now, I’ve been a fan of hot, spicy food.  Can’t explain why, maybe it’s those endorphins once you get the burn going good.

Hot and spicy is certainly nothing you take to right away; it helps if you’re willing to gradually build up your endurance to the more molten peppers, say.  You know you don’t want to pop a ghost chili into a mouth that has never known anything other than sweet peppers, although the reaction you’d get would be funny. Not if you’re the one who’s getting burned, but it you are watching someone else get burned, different story.

I had my own introduction to the hot stuff when I was in the Army way back in 1982.  We were in Fort Goodfellow, aka Fort Goodbuddy, in San Angelo, TX, and I got my first plate of nachos with those funny looking jalapeno peppers on them.

“Whut is them thangs?” I axed in my inimitable hillbilly accent. “Oh, them?” responds the waiter. “Don’t worry nuttin’ ‘bout them! They is good fer you!” 

Well, if good fer you means it's something that will get you to chug a fresh pitcher of beer, it certainly was good for me

But I got used to the heat and in time I even learned to enjoy it.  I have learned since that the jalapeno is a mere 2500-9000 scoville heat units and in the world of hot peppers that means it’s an ice cube. 

I know this because while I cannot eat a lot of good food, owing to my diabetes, I can still watch others scarf down all the fat and sugar and whatever else they want and that don’t hurt anything except my pride and my appetite.

One particular type of eating competitions I really like to watch is the one that involves eating food stuff that has the temperature of molten lava.  Adam Richman, one time host of Man Vs Food, could wolf down some fiery chow and in most instances, he never seemed to suffer.  Sure, he’d sweat profusely and hold his stomach and moan, but suffer?  Nah!

Another show-can’t recall its title or its host-had two guys who would go after stuff that would make molten lava seem cool.  It was funny because they knew they wouldn’t be able to eat what they had in front of them but they’d give it a try anyway and how those poor souls would carry on.

Now I’m nowhere near that much of a masochist.  Shoot, all I ever wanted to do was try a habanero.  Take a look at this link and it’ll let you know what’s hot and what’s not and where the habanero fits in: http://ushotstuff.com/Heat.Scale.htm. 

A couple of days ago, I went through the Food City at Vanzant, VA, and picked up some nice looking jalapenos.  Close by were some habaneros; orange habaneros.  Here they were, and I so wanted to eat one to show how macho I was.  Well, why not pick up one and see?  I’m no wimp and I could eat a jalapeno or cayenne with relative ease, so let’s see.

Anyway, I had a plan.  I felt like you’d feel the heat more if you had the idea that the habanero was simply too hot to bother with.  With an attitude like that, it’s like you’re beat before you start.

So I got around to fixing some dinner today-turkey sandwich with pepper jack and some jalapenos on for some extra heat, and I decided I’d dice up a little of that habanero and spread it around on the sandwich, too.

After I was finished, I took a look at the habanero, now minus around 1/3 of its original size and I thought I’d take a small bite and I did.  Within a few seconds, I could feel the heat and while it was warmer than a jalapeno, it was what I reckoned as tolerable. 

I started to put the thing away and something inside me said “Go for it!”  I debated the idea for a couple of minutes, then decided to take another somewhat larger bite, but for whatever reason, the whole of what I had left came off the stem and nestled itself inside my mouth and I figured must be a sign so I started to chew.

After about the second or third chew, I got the idea that mebbe the only reason that first bite of the habanero had seemed tolerable was there wasn’t much of it.  And now, by comparison, I had a much larger amount of orange habanero in my mouth. 

Look it up on the scoville scale, and remember a jalapeno is anywhere from 2500-9000 scoville heat units.  By comparison, an orange habanero is rated at anywhere from 150,000-325,000 scoville heat units.

Mind you, I didn’t know those numbers at the time, but the fire building up in my mouth that actually melted the spoon I popped in my mouth to cool it some already let me know I wuz in way over my head.

It was about this time I decided I wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was and that I couldn’t possibly hold that much orange habanero, so I spit out what I had in my mouth directly into my hand. For whatever reason, I didn’t want to take the time to find a napkin.

I disposed of the habanero, but the heat in and around my mouth was increasing in intensity.  Luckily I did remember Adam Richman drinking milk after one of his hot lunches, so I got out an open gallon jug of milk and drank a small bit directly from the jug.  Again, I didn’t feel like looking for a glass. 

I reacted to the habanero's side effects much the same way I did to a face full of tear gas in the Army.  Yes, I was mighty uncomfortable, but I didn’t panic. 

I held my breath, then I noticed the sandwich I had made.  Maybe some food would cool down the fire in my mouth, I thought. And I took a big bite.  It was then I remembered putting the habanero on this sandwich.

Okay really, there was tomato and mayo and mustard and bread and turkey and pepper jack cheese there, too, so the heat from that bit of habanero wasn’t so bad.

But I could have starred in a remake of M*A*S*H.  I mean I had me some Hot Lips.  Oh, if I could have just kissed a pretty girl right then, I know she’d never forget me.  Might not ever talk to me again, but she’d always remember me.

The pain really didn’t last all that long.  I got another small drink from the milk jug and in a bit, I had some more of my sandwich and within a reasonable amount of time, the fire around my mouth went out and in about another 10-15 minutes, the one in my stomach was also doused.

And the endorphins, man, when they kicked in, almost worth it.  In fact, I’m thinkin’ with a little time, I could become immune to third degree burns on my tongue.