Escaping an unhappy afterlife with a ghostly good dessert.

Reading the wonderful story by APEX staff writer Carrie Moore entitled “Extending a H.E.L.P.ing Hand” in yesterday’s paper was an uplifting experience, indeed. For those who may not have seen it, it concerned the organization H.E.L.P. (Helping Our Poor Exist), ably guided by Monk Sanders, who is as ably assisted by a cadre of wonderful volunteers, such as Terry Cavins, also featured in this story.

All of this puts me in mind of the Charles Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol”, my favorite seasonal story. Specifically, the work these two are doing stir up images of the ghost of Scrooge’s dead partner, Jacob Marley, who tells the man he would reform “It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men! If it goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death! It is doomed to wander through the world! Oh, woe is me! And witness what it cannot share but MIGHT HAVE SHARED on Earth and turned to happiness!”

It is all too apparent that the volunteers from H.E.L.P. will be spared from just such a fate. For those of us who should be concerned about having to wander around at Christmas, after death, with a heavy chain and lock boxes entwined about our spirits whilst trying to reform Scrooge-like individuals we will have left on this earth, I would strongly suggest that all of us either join in with Monk and his caring group, or at the very least, donate to them so that they might be better able to complete their mission here on Earth, but preferably, both. After all, it is written (and read in the Allister Simms version of this classic) in the book of I Corinthians: 2-4 “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.”

On to other matters: One of the most vexing issues for me at this time of year is how to handle the fact that everything about the Holiday season revolves around food. In my pre-diabetic days, this was no problem. I could eat a hearty dinner at home, give the food time to begin to digest, then visit my Aunt Mae to see what her brood had in the way of tasty leftovers. My only consolation these days is all those happy memories. Alas, memories cannot keep your blood sugar at a safe level. Well, while I have made peace with the fact that my days of reckless eating are over, I refuse, as did the poet, Dylan Thomas, to “go gentle into that good night”. And by using my imagination, I have come up with a very versatile recipe for a custard-like pie that can appear in any number of incarnations, and so, be satisfying for a very long time.

I might explain that, in the first year after the d-word appeared, I felt that my only recourse for dessert was either sugar-free pudding or jell-o. I ate so much that I finally made a solemn vow to never touch either substance ever again. Well, I have been successful, but only in one respect: I won’t fix jell-o or pudding the way their makers intended, but, by trial and error (a lot of error) I have discovered that jell-o is a wonderful flavoring substance, so I do use it to give both sweetness and flavor to pies, cakes, and cuppie cakes (Thanks and a tip of the hat to Cookie Monster for that last one.) That said, I will now tell all diabetics, weight watchers, and epicureans in general, how to make that wonderful, custard-like pie I spoke of earlier.

This pie, while rather easy, at least in my mind, to make, does take some time, and requires that the ingredients be assembled beforehand to help expedite the process. So, to start, the cook needs to get three eggs out, and separate the whites from the yolks. The yolks will need to be lightly beaten with a fork at this time.

Next, we will work under the assumption that this is going to be a peach pie. With that in mind, you will need to get an eight-ounce container of non-fat, light, peach yogurt. Dump this into a two-cup measuring vessel, and add enough skim milk to make one and one-half cups of liquid. Into this mess, you must now add the first magic ingredient, a tablespoon of corn starch.

The next step involves that yucky sugar-free jell-o I spoke of earlier. For peach pie, you will need to get a bottle of peach-flavored, no-calorie water, available almost everywhere, and, setting out ¼ cup of this stuff, mix it with one packet of sugar-free, peach flavored jell-o, and set it back for later.

This might be a good time to mention that the cooking will need to be done in a double-boiler, so whilst the water is set a boil in the business end of this contraption, the solution obtained thus far could now be transferred to the top of the double-boiler, and here you can add the next magic ingredient-3/4 cup of Splenda. This will now need to be cooked until such time as it begins to thicken. A good rule of thumb is to cook and stir for about ten minutes.

Once you are satisfied with the thickness of the pie-filling, you can add those egg yolks which you have already lightly beaten, pausing only long enough to add a little of the hot mixture to them first, so as to temper them. This done, the mixture can be allowed to cook by itself for at least four minutes. Once the requisite amount of time has passed, you may now remove the filling from the stove, stir in the peach jell-o; and about half of an eight-ounce bowl of still-frozen Light Cool Whip. Place this in the freezer until it begins to set, say ½ to ¾ of an hour.

In the meantime, beat the egg whites to the stiff peak stage. Once the pie filling has cooled sufficiently, gently fold the two together, and pour this into a 9-inch graham-cracker pie crust (buy this for greater ease of construction), and place the now completed peach pie into your freezer until set, usually ½ to ¾ of an hour. The result will be an eye-catching and toothsome, low-calorie dessert that would satisfy even those non-diabetics among us. The best part is this, you can substitute any flavor of jell-o and yogurt-say strawberry/banana jell-o, yogurt, and flavored water-and you have, well, strawberry/banana pie. This works equally well with lemon, lime, strawberry, etc. Experiment with this pie, and you will have a stand-by dessert for all year ‘round. This is a gift that keeps on giving, eh?

Merry Christmas, and Happy Motoring!