The Bum’s Rush

There’s one thing about Rush Limbaugh-he’s a big man. He and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie are a lot alike in that respect. They have another similarity; I have never seen a picture of either of them with their mouths closed. 
 

Now that could be because they’re always stuffing their mouths with as much food as they can at one time. They each have a unique reflexive reaction. It’s just like Fred Sanford said about one of his relatives-every time their elbow bends, their mouths fly open.

Or it could be that they’re always shooting off their mouths, you know, spouting off nonsense. But that’s how they earn their livelihood. Well, more so Rush than Christy.

The thing about making a living that way is eventually it could land you in some serious trouble. Rush knows all about that. Well, so does everybody else, now. Sure, we know how he attacked a young co-ed by the name of Sandra Fluke and told the world because she testified before some members of Congress in favor of having contraceptives for women covered by their health insurance, she was a slut who wanted to be paid to have sex.

Of course that brought on some serious repercussions. Yes, it seems like all those who were offended by the harsh criticism levied by Rush against this young women began to demand that his sponsors stop supporting his talk show.

And the sponsors listened. As of now, 12 sponsors have publicly dropped Rush. That means that things have gotten out of hand. And Rush reacted in a way that he seldom ever does. He apologized.

That was to no avail. It’s plain to everyone, even Rush, that these people are out for blood. They want to take Rush down. Now, just so you know, you won’t be able to brush Rush aside easily. No, that would strain even Superman’s back.

But I say we do what we have to do: If it takes a large construction crane to dislodge him, then I say we get one on the job and get that barrel of rancid hog fat out of there.

You know, the Book of James talks about the human tongue. How is it, this Book of the Bible asks, that such a small thing can cause so much trouble. In Rush’s case, it isn’t necessarily his tongue, it’s that gaping maw it’s in that bothers Rush.

More than that, it’s the organ that is in control of his tongue. You see, Rush is like a brontosaurus, pea brain, big body, and that brain ain’t big enough to control any of that gargantuan body of his.

Somebody needs to have a talk with that boy about the birds and bees, but also about making ridiculous claims such as it’s his money that will pay for all those extra pills he supposes a woman must need when having all that sex that takes place only in his lurid imagination.

The one pill a day needed can be used to treat medical conditions that afflict all too many women. This was what Ms. Fluke testified to when she spoke before those Members of Congress, except Rush never listened.

In other words, it isn’t like the Viagra or Cialis that men like Rush can get covered by their health insurance. No, this is necessary, and that’s what Rush can’t understand.